As they say, breaking up is hard to do. It’s quite normal to need an adjustment period after a relationship ends. The passage of time along with some healthy support from friends and family might do the job. However, there are instances when a past relationship can weigh you down with toxic baggage. In fact, it can result in a version of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Post-traumatic relationship syndrome (PTRS) is real and trying to recover from a toxic and/or abusive partner can be the trigger. Let’s take a closer look at this common but rarely discussed issue.
PTSD vs. PTRS
Someone struggling with PTSD may feel as if they are bouncing between two states of mind. On one hand, there are all those flashbacks. Traumatic memories intrude in the form of nightmares, intrusive thoughts, and more. Running parallel to this reality is the fact that PTSD can also cause you to feel numb and detached. You avoid anything that triggers any emotions — especially anything related to the trauma.
PTRS is rarely about avoidance. You talk about and think about the traumatic experience — non-stop. This may involve:
Filling a journal with the details
Replaying every conversation and interaction
Reframing the past in ways that may or may not offer relief
Telling friends, family members, and even strangers all about what you endured
Jumping right into new relationships without enough processing and healing
To follow are some of the most common symptoms of PTRS.
Signs That a Past Relationship Has Caused Trauma
Intrusive Thoughts
Everyone thinks about their ex, especially right after a break-up. With PTRS, you have a sense that can’t help but think about them. If the relationship involved physical and/or emotional abuse, these thoughts can be quite:
Intrusive
Vivid
Obsessive
Frightening
Easily Triggered
It takes only the slightest reminder of your ex to be transported into an ugly flashback. A song, a perfume, a car — anything that even remotely connects to the past relationship feels triggering. To add to this, you feel like you have no control over this process.
Serial Relationships
Rather than take time alone or go to see a therapist, you can’t bear being on your own. Before you’ve had a chance to even start healing, you’re back in a relationship. If that one is toxic, too, you immediately move on to another. Rebound relationships serve to cover up or temporarily bury the underlying pain and problems.
Guilt and Low Self-Esteem
Despite the relationship-hopping, deep down, you don’t feel you deserve a healthy relationship. This is common after any kind of trauma — particularly when it involves an abusive partner. In turn, this can morph into chronic guilt. You blame yourself for not leaving the abusive person and thus give yourself another reason to feel low self-esteem.
Healing from Relational Trauma
Ideally, the healing would come from a loving, healthy bond with a new partner. However, after what you’ve been through, this is much easier said than done. That’s why most people with PTRS seek professional help.
Working with a skilled therapist can help bring about outcomes like:
Processing and resolving the trauma
No longer blaming yourself
Addressing any related issues (anxiety, depression, etc.)
Develop self-esteem
Being able to trust again
Another major component of PTRS therapy is desensitization. This means your therapist will guide you toward ways to address the trauma without being triggered. It’s not that you suppress your emotions. Rather, you find new and productive ways to explore them and heal from them.
If any of the above strikes a chord with you, we should talk soon. Let’s connect for a free and confidential consultation. If you’re interested in reading more about Trauma and PTSD Treatment, click here.