Everyone goes through grief. It’s a painful yet inevitable part of life. Despite this universality, very few of us are prepared. Our culture doesn’t talk much about grief and we live our lives vulnerable to how much it can change us (see next section). But there’s good news. It’s never too late to put in the work to understand and address your grief.
Through self-education, self-exploration, and regular therapy sessions, you can develop ways to process grief without becoming consumed by it. To get started, each of us is required to accept grief as normal and learn more about it.
Grief Changes You
In the short term, you may notice changes in yourself after suffering a loss. These changes may include:
Sadness and longing
Decreased concentration and focus
Forgetfulness
Sleep disturbances
Feeling tongue-tied
Difficulty making decisions
Easily overwhelmed
Sluggish movements
Feeling literally figuratively off-balance
Left unchecked, these grief red flags can escalate as time passes.
Prolonged Grief Amplifies All of These Outcomes
You may be consumed by grief if you experience any of these signs or behaviors:
Social isolation and withdrawing from activities you once enjoyed
Feeling stuck and unable to move forward
Fixation on the person who died
Feeling guilt about the death and perhaps blaming yourself
A sense that life is no longer worth living
Symptoms like this are not to be taken lightly.
How To Deal With Grief When It Feels All-Consuming
Remember: Grief is Not Linear
There are stages of grief but they do not occur in a linear manner. Before you start feeling like you’ll never recover, keep in mind that grief works in unpredictable cycles. Give yourself space and time but also, do not hesitate to ask for help when you need it.
Feel What You Need to Feel
You don’t have to enjoy all your emotions before accepting them. Grief is what humans do. There is no shame in that. And there doesn’t have to be guilt either. For example, you can do something fun or laugh out loud without disrespecting anyone. On the contrary, the loved one you have lost would almost certainly be thrilled to see you finding balance.
Practice Self-Care
When consumed by grief, it’s easy to neglect the basics. However, by safeguarding your mental and physical well-being, you are better equipped to manage the stress of the loss. In particular:
Maintain regular sleep patterns
Engage in daily physical activity
Make healthy eating choices
Practice relaxation techniques
Lean on Others
It could be your family or close friends. You may also connect with a bereavement group to mourn together with others. Sure, everyone needs some solitude but push yourself to be with others. It is much easier to find meaning in the pain when you share time with the people in your life.
Trust Your Heart
Well-intentioned people will tell you stuff like “move on” and “be strong.” You have every right to feel the way you need to. You don’t need to adhere to their timeline or perceptions. Folks mean well but you do not have to listen to their expectations for your life.
If Grief Becomes Too Much
Help is available. An experienced grief counselor can help you explore your emotions and develop the health healthy coping skills you need. Your weekly sessions can be a safe space to talk about and learn to accept your loss.
In the meantime, a therapist can guide you to keep some focus on your own life, e.g. setting goals and working with the people in your life. Even when consumed by grief, you can find ways to grow. I’d love to help you with this critical process, contact me when you are ready.
If you’d like to read more about Trauma and PTSD Treatment click here.