There is no time of day that grief doesn’t hurt. It’s a tricky ride and an unpredictable process that uniquely impacts each person. That said, there are some universal trends. For example, grief often feels worse at night. This can be the case because, generally speaking, things tend to slow down in the evening. People are typically less busy, and their environment is quieter.
In this setting, there is nothing to distract you from contemplating the loss and pain you feel. Of course, it’s important that you feel what you need to feel. But when the emotions are primary, it can be a lot to handle.
Why It’s Normal For Grief to Feel Worse At Night
As mentioned above, grief can be pushed to the periphery during the day because of its busyness. You have a job or family responsibilities or perhaps school or other obligations. You may have all of the above on your plate—thus, grief slides into the background — present but not dominant. When things calm down, the sudden reintroduction of the bereavement can feel jolting.
3 Other Reasons Why It’s Normal For Grief to Feel Worse At Night
You Lack the Strength to Ward It Off
All day, you handled your daily life while fending off reminders of your loss. Come nighttime, you’re physically and mentally drained. In such a state, feelings of sadness and mourning can gain a stronghold.
Nighttime is When You Miss the Person Who Died
It might have been a spouse, parents, sibling, child, or roommate of some kind. Thus, when things get quiet and dark, it is precisely when you most strongly feel their absence. Loneliness gets more severe, and grief becomes inescapable.
Sleep Issues
Grief notoriously harms one’s sleep patterns. This can set off quite a cycle. The pain of the loss makes it harder to fall asleep. You now have more time to ruminate, which adds to the sleep issues. Not getting sleep reduces resilience, so managing your emotions is harder. Such momentum can be hard to slow.
How to Cope With Nighttime Grief
A good first step is to resist the urge to use sleep as a method of avoidance. You might want to hit the sack super early simply to evade the strong emotions. This can lead you into the cycle described above while also not giving space to start processing and resolving the loss. What you really need is a steady pattern. Implement a consistent bedtime and time you wake up.
To facilitate that pattern, it could be the ideal time to cultivate some new rituals. Give yourself something to do most nights to decrease overthinking and make you more tired when bedtime arrives. Some options to consider:
Take a class
Volunteer to help others
Keep a journal
Take up reading, puzzles, and other hobbies that use your mind in a productive way
Connect with loved ones in person or using video chat and the telephone
Adding to those new rituals, introduce habits that help you get better sleep. Turn off devices well before you go to sleep. Practice relaxation techniques. Avoid eating or drinking too close to bedtime.
Don’t Go It Alone
Well-intentioned folks will urge you to “be strong” or “move on,” but if you need help, therapy is a proven method for handling mourning and loss. Before nighttime grief overtakes your daily and nightly mindset, reach out for the guidance you need and deserve. Your therapy sessions are where you can explore these new patterns and emotions. With the support of a seasoned professional, you can reclaim your nights and start healing. To read more about treating trauma please click on the link.