You may know the pattern, you are getting into bed ready to go to sleep after a long day and as your head hits the pillow your mind gets busy. You are flooded with all sorts of thoughts; the conversation that went awry, the list of things you should have done but didn’t, maybe you beat yourself up for taking time to watch TV or maybe you spent all your time working and didn’t invest in family or friends.
You may not only have trouble falling asleep, but maybe you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep. If you can sleep you may have a disturbing dream that startles you awake leaving you a bit disoriented.
Reason to put this practice to bed
This is not only aggravating but loss of sleep can create significant problems. It zaps you of energy and muddles your ability to think clearly and make good decisions which then lead to more regrets that you can ruminate on the next night. Different health articles are now saying that less than 7 hours of sleep at night can lead to dementia. That’s a lovely thought! If you could sleep you would.
Anxiety can have its benefits
The symptoms of anxiety can be helpful. They keep us alert and safe if we pay proper attention to the signals. This is our fight or flight reaction, which is helpful if our lives are in danger, but in this society we are rarely in physical danger. So, like allergies, which is the immune system on hyper drive for little things, anxiety attacks (excessive thoughts etc.) are the symptoms of our fight or flight reaction on hyper drive as well.
Anxiety can help you prioritize the things that need to get done. During the day we are usually focused on tasks that are distractions from the anxiety. We will often do a good thing rather than the best thing for us. Then at night we may regret the decisions we made during the day. However, if we have a lot of tasks requiring our attention we can use our anxiety to look at deadlines: pay the bills before cleaning the house, write that report before you call your friend. Write that blog before…. You get it.
Night time anxiety sets in as we slow down. Our body clock shifts, melatonin goes up and the body tells us it’s time to rest. For someone who has anxiety, leaving all the days’ or weeks’ thoughts behind is rough. There is a struggle between our mind and body about going into rest mode.
Night time is quieter—less distractions. People regularly tell me that they wake up about 3am and can’t go back to sleep because they are experiencing so many thoughts. They tell me that this is their opportunity to worry about what might happen, or have regrets and ruminate about what didn’t happen.
Some people have a glass of wine before bed, and while that makes you sleepy it can wake you up later in the night. Others use marijuana as a coping mechanism but it can be a double edged sword. It may help in the short run, but in the long run some people may develop paranoia. These coping skills don’t actually address what’s really going on, they just mask it.
What you can do
In addition to setting up a bedtime routine with a warm shower to help shift your temperature, or using calming essential oil; journaling is a wonderful way to put your day at rest. Anxious thoughts are often about not forgetting. Putting your thoughts and feelings down means they can live on those pages so you don’t have to constantly remember. It’s good for recalling your tasks for the next day. In order not to rev yourself back up, make sure to include things and people you are grateful for.
Another great way to lessen the regrets of the day is to be intentional during the day. By that I mean think about how you want to be able to relax at the end of the day. This is where you can use your anxiety during the day to help you prioritize. What can you do today to make sure you have a restful evening? Is there a relationship you need to repair? How can you do that? What deadlines do you need to meet?
One last thing you can do during the day to make sure you have a calmer evening is to be “present”. Be diligent in listening to loved ones, truly enjoy your food—noticing what it looks like, allow the aroma to seep into your breathing, pay attention to how it tastes. Time in nature has always been beneficial. If you are outside notice the light of the sun as it shines on the plants, feel the texture of different surfaces. Kids are great at noticing little things in nature, allow yourself to be a little kid.
Finally, realize and be okay with the fact that you’re not perfect and tomorrow is another day. You get a fresh start!